Hi new here not sure what I'm doing

[Pippyl]

Oh sorry I forgot to put @outlander in previous post so hope you get this 

[outlander]

@Pippyl
I havent had an easy upbringing either with traumas (im only 23 so not much of a life yet) and no supportive family either. Often known as attention seeking due to MI so i can understand.
Im also a full time carer for someone i live with so not much space either and whilst im not a mum i do help raise my siblings so i understand the feelings of guilt and what we perceive to be shortcomings.

Have you considered doing an online course? Tafe has a few upskill courses you could take a look at. Even if you dont persue it, its doing something for youself-to give yourself a goal and to accomplish.

[outlander]

@Faith-and-Hope i wonder if you could offer some advice?

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thanks for the tag @outlander 💕

Hi @Pippyl and welcome to the forums.  I have been here for a few years now, and found support here when it was sorely lacking in almost every other direction. I have some wonderful friends, but e circumstances I came to the forum for help for really needed professional support, so it can be hard going to lean too heavily in friends when it's a really big deal. Here everyone "gets it" in terms of mental health, and most here are really beautiful people .....

My kids are all grown up now, but one has a disability that will require care for life, and another 2 are struggling with anxiety and depression. .... it was my soon2bX who was abusive.  I thought it was to do with his mental health, and it was / is, but not for the reasons I thought ..... but anyway ..... I have gone back to mature aged study and I am loving it ❣️  It's TAFE through uni for me.  You can start with a short course and see how you go, maybe ?  As classes are online under the COVID conditions it will give you inline peers in that direction to, if you choose to go ahead with it.

As a suggestion, when things get overwhelming, try to break tasks down into tbie smallest form, and then take one baby step at a time .... it's amazing how much that can reduce stress, because your getting things done in steady little pieces.

Yell out of you need help, and like @outlander @ tagged in some other forumites to this discussion thread, someone will

ve able to answer (almost any) questions.

[NatureLover]

Hi @Pippyl  and welcome! It's great to have you here.

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, and living with your abusive parents and not having your own space. It must be incredibly difficult. 

I have depression, anxiety and OCD in the form of germophobia...what form does your OCD take? Reading between the lines, it might be the same for you? It can indeed get the point of being paralysed and too overwhelmed by the germs everywhere to do anything at all - the thought of all that cleaning and disinfecting just becomes way too much. 

I would think that maybe meds might offer you some extra support at this time, to get through the depressing circumstances of lockdown with your abusive parents...what do you think? Something else that meds do is ease things enough to work on therapy, which is important with OCD as the therapy can sometimes be pretty tough (as with all therapy, I guess!). It's called ERP, Exposure Response Prevention therapy, and it involves exposing yourself to your fears (e.g. germs) and then not doing the comforting rituals afterwards. 

I'm sorry that your parents' place is filthy, that must be so stressful for you 😞 If you were interested, I started a thread called Any diagnosed germophobes or hoarders on this forum?. I would really like to discuss OCD with you, if you wanted - no pressure though! And if your OCD is in another form, like counting or checking, that's fine too. You can also type OCD (or PTSD or anything else) into the search bar here, to find other threads on that topic. 

I hope you enjoy exploring the forums.

[Pippyl]

@outlander  sorry to hear this, looks like you've had a lot of responsibility from a young age.

ive been considering a coarse for some time after the split even picked a coarse went to open day and I really want to do it I jus feel at this point I can't as I'm starting from scratch and I don't know if I ever will pursue as I have so much responsibility already. I'm hoping once my child is more independent. What does community guide mean?

[Pippyl]

Hi @Faith-and-Hope 

Thanks for joining this. Yea I do have some supports but don't want to burden them but no one really close and I can't see anyone anyway. 

So have you left your hubby awaiting divorce? I'm sorry for what you've been through I know it's so hard. I hope your kids are coping ok too. I know when you're in it you don't see and make excuses for their behaviour and think they really will change. The dynamic with my parents are a bit different so it's been hard to see but my ex is textbook narcissist sociopath. So I've felt a bit silly for not seeing it but it's all I've known. 

Well done for going back to study I do think it's never too late for that thank you 

[Pippyl]

Hi @NatureLover 

thanks for joining here. For me it's germs and I think a lot of it is rational given the state we live in but then it takes a mind of its own and I know it's me. And it gets to the point I cant hide it and stresses me more. I can see how I've come to this point and the anxieties causing it. I've had the checking counting but not now and I wouldn't consider thosr true OCD for me but the germs def is. And I get relief when I know something's clean but then it's a cycle. I can't control what everyone is touching it's ridiculous. I have heard of this therapy. I'm really trying to help myself. I've tried speaking with docs, 1 actually laughed. I'm hoping my pysch can help me when I can finally see her again. Jus feel like it's so much work and I don't know how to unlearn these rituals and it's so lonely coz to others it doesn't seem real, mum even teases me. It stresses my child too. Ok I will have a look at that thank you. And what's funny is im not worried bout covid at all or cleaning in relation to that. Yea went to doc again they keep jus trying to give me pills and I tried so long to get off as I hated the side effects and the pills never really helped with it or the core issues jus felt like a numbing bandaid. I honestly feel like I should be locked up in the psych ward and my child taken from me and I know that I'd really silly. I'm aware that everything stems from my core beliefs and I don't know how to change them I worked very hard for years and was so confident and it switched and spiraled so fast that I see I changed nothing. I know there no reason that I wouldnt deserve love or happiness but my brain and body won't let me believe it like it's ingrained unchanging even if I try lie to myself. 

[Pippyl]

Sorry @NatureLover  i hope I did not offend anyone reading. What I meant was the OCD for me is germs, I have the checking issue at times but that seems normal for me. But I am aware that for some ppl with OCD this is a real symptom checking etc so hope I've clarified that 

[NatureLover]

Hi @Pippyl , thanks for your response! I'm glad the checking isn't a big concern for you, the germs are bad enough I reckon! It's exhausting, isn't it, trying to keep a track of everything and who might have touched it and where they might've been before they touched it...not to mention touching it yourself and how dirty your own hands might be...I have 4 levels of cleanliness too, so it all takes up so much room in my head. It's a comfort to me to be able to talk about it with another germophobe 🙂 I hope it will make you feel less lonely with it too. 

I am so sorry that one of your doctors laughed - that is inexcusable. Germophobia is very real and incredibly distressing to have. 

It's interesting that you have an abusive background - I do too, and I think that my germophobia is a response to that - it's a desire to control my environment so it's not traumatic for me like it was growing up (and since). 

I agree that it feels like an incredible amount of work to put right, and very daunting... But I guess all therapy can take years. 

I hope we can chat some more about these things @Pippyl  🙂