Oscillation between two mind sets

[Jynx]

@creative_writer Mm it would be incredibly exhausting, and I can understand why it's getting you down. Something to think about though is that each time you do experience this, you will get a little bit better at managing, self-soothing, and deepening your understanding of yourself. 

Do you get aftercare/support for triggering calls? Also could be something to work on with a trauma psych. 

And migraines wouldn't be helping either - your resilience is probably lowered at the moment. 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx, I’m currently on a break from Lifeline. Placement for uni hasn’t been too heavy. But I suppose you’re more likely to encounter triggers on clinical placements. My second will need to be a clinical one. I did have to turn down a professional development because it would’ve been bad for my MH. It was a very specialised training for specific trauma. I don’t intend to specialise in the trauma I experienced. I do hope I can make myself back to Lifeline eventually though, I just don’t think I’m ready yet and I already have a huge workload for placement

[Jynx]

@creative_writer I totally know how hard it can be when working in MH to have things that hit too close to home. It's especially hard when you really want to help that person because you know how much help you once needed too, but having to recognise that you can't be the person to support them. It can really hurt sometimes. 

But what I'm hearing from this is that you can recognise when you need to take a step back. You know yourself, you're not pushing past your own limits because you think it's what you're 'supposed to do', and you're putting your own needs first to ensure that the placement will be the best fit for you. So, very very far from broken. 'Thriving despite the odds, and despite the challenges' would be my descriptor. 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx, though realistically by going into the profession I will need to learn to manage my triggers. Every story may not be triggering, but some may. Though I’ve realised I may never get to the stage where I can hear triggering stories all day. There is a difference if triggers are present here and there vs always being present. It does hurt knowing you can’t do anything to help those who are struggling with the same nature of trauma

[Jynx]

Yeah for sure @creative_writer which is why it's good that you're being discerning about where you decide to put your energy. And so long as you are still working on it, and you're accessing extra support like supervision when you need it, I reckon you'll be a-ok. I think the majority of us are 'wounded healers' so you won't be the first, nor the last mental health professional to find yourself triggered by someone else's story. 

And you can still help those who've had similar traumas - just by sharing your story and being your genuine, authentic self. I dunno how often you use self-disclosure but I've found it to be an absolute boon when it comes to supporting others whose stories resonate with my own. 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx, sometimes I wonder how much are you meant to disclose to your supervision. I have always edged on the side of caution and say very little.

For self-disclose, I’ve only ever disclosed less personal stuff about my life. Discussing MH isn’t something that would come to be instinctively, it just doesn’t sit right. I think it makes sense as a peer support worker, but I have never had a therapist directly disclose trauma

[Jynx]

@creative_writer I think it depends on context - i.e. how has your supervisor addressed confidentiality with you? Do you feel reassured you can be open, or do you worry it will be reported back? Could be something to check in around. 

I think self-disclosure is definitely a skill to learn to do it well. I have used it frequently when practicing as a counsellor. I've never just outright told someone a story of my trauma history, but certainly something like 'I have experienced a lot of attachment trauma resulting from neglect as a child, and this is what I've learned about that'. It's definitely something to be used skillfully, so as not to end up just, you know, trauma dumping onto a client lol. If it's not something you feel comfortable doing, then absolutely don't do it. You can trust your gut in most cases I think. 

I'm logging off soon, but am always happy to chat about this sorta stuff, so thanks for the conversation. I hope you're feeling a little better in any case.

I will catch you again soon! And feel free to continue the conversation and I'll check back in with you next time I'm online. Big love 💜

[creative_writer]

@Jynx, even though I know supervision is a safe and confidential space, being open is hard. I feel like I’m meant to have my shit together even though they say everyone has their own stuff.


If I do think about it. One of the therapists I had in the past probably did indirectly disclose. I think he was trying to help me feel more comfortable and feel less alone.

I wish you a goodnight. I hope you rest well 💖

[Zoe7]

It is not even about emotional safety for me @creative_writer - although I know what you mean.

I get bored with the small talk and conversations that are forced. I can talk about things that are important to me but otherwise I am pretty quiet. I get annoyed with people that like 'hearing their own voices' but in my experience, many of these people actually say very little.

Just had a read through of your conversation this evening Hon. It is a fact that many 'helping people' have had their own experiences in the past to draw on. Going into the social work field is a difficult one with so many possible triggers. What you will do (over time) is learn to manage those and even turn them around to be of help to others. I agree that disclosing very little is the way to go. That does not mean you do not 'use' your own experiences, background, knowledge to help others - empathy always shines through when you are authentic and real with others. What I have found is that you can 'disclose' personal experience without actually directly stating such ie. you can say 'depression can take over every aspect of your life and leave you feeling completely hopeless' - you are stating a personal experience but not actually stating that is your own experience. In that way you are relating to the client but not giving too much away of yourself. 

[creative_writer]

@Zoe7, I think small talk is a waste of energy. I have limited energy stores, I rather spend that energy elsewhere. Once I was asked as a Lifeline volunteer whether I ever had SI, I said I know someone who did. The purpose was to validate and help the help-seeker see that other people make it through the other side. I would never disclose something personal such as SI. It was confronting, I panicked and messaged my supervisor, but I handled it by the time she got back to me.

Today was hard to get through for uni, so many intrusive thoughts. Yes it happened for a while, but I’m no longer 19-20, I need to move on